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From the authors of How to Talk with Anyone about Anything book and workbook, here are 10 fool-proof tips to create or sustain a thriving relationship with your partner and/or children.
- Be Curious: Show genuine interest in what, how, or why they feel or think. Ask questions. Engage in their world and explore their perspectives. Curiosity brings connection.
- Practice Listening: Many of us are better talkers than listeners. Practice putting your thoughts aside momentarily to really hear others' experience and repeat back their words. Make them feel seen and valued by actively listening to their thoughts and feelings.
- Eliminate Negativity: All forms of being negative (shame, blame, and criticism) are emotional abuse. Practice eliminating negativity from your thoughts, words, and actions and review your progress every evening.
- Appreciate Individuality: Recognize and celebrate the unique needs, wants, likes, and dislikes of each family member. Embrace their differences and encourage them to be their authentic selves.
- Make Quality Time for Each Other: Too often, life gets busy, and we miss out on what really matters - making time for our relationships. Create a ritual to make sure you regularly carve out daily, weekly, and monthly quality time together. Friday night date night. Sunday afternoon family hikes. Daily dinners together without distractions.
- Communicate with “I” Language: Express your feelings and needs using “I” statements (“I want…” “I need…” “I feel…”). Share your perspectives without blaming or accusing, which fosters understanding and reduces defensiveness.
- Give Unconditionally and Receive Graciously: Offer your time, help, and gifts without expecting anything in return. Appreciate and accept gifts and gestures from your family with gratitude, building a culture of generosity.
- Commit to Fun and Play: Make regular commitments to engage in fun and playful activities together. Laugh, play, and create joyful memories, demonstrating that enjoyment and happiness are central to family life.
- Value Their Knowledge: Respect that everyone has valuable insights and opinions. Be open to learning from your partner and children and acknowledge that there are multiple truths and perspectives.
- Clearly Communicate Your Needs: Openly share your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Be direct and honest about what you want, ensuring your family understands you and can support you in meeting those needs, fostering mutual fulfillment.
In the How to Talk with Anyone about Anything book and workbook, Harville and Helen share the wisdom of the Safe Conversations process and the four structured and teachable skills that create safety and connection:
- Dialogue: Dialogue is two or more people taking turns talking and listening. Monologue is one person talking and expecting everyone else to listen. When two or more people shift from Monologue to Dialogue, they can transform any relationship from conflict to safety, connection and collaboration.
- Zero Negativity: Negativity disrupts safety and is non-negotiable for safe and thriving relationships. When Dialogue is practiced with Zero Negativity, criticism about what one does not have is replaced with a positive request for what one wants. This transforms conflict into safety and connecting.
- Empathy: Empathy is the capacity to experience or imagine how another person has gone through life. When Dialogue is practiced with empathy, one can more easily accept the different perspective of another person and maintain one's own perspective without polarizing.
- Affirmation: Affirmation is valuing another person because they exist rather than for what they have done for you. When Dialogue includes affirmation, the other person experiences themselves as human rather than as an "object" that is valued because of what they do.