By Scott James
When talking with parents in our church, I often hear about a common struggle: prayer. Most often, the moms and dads I'm speaking with have good intentions and a strong desire to model a rich prayer life in their homes. So what's the problem?
One of the issues is that, when faced with busy schedules, we tend to standardize and compartmentalize prayer into predefined, expected moments. You know the routine—grace before meals, a prayer at bedtime, and Sunday morning prayers gathered with the church. Before you object, let me be crystal clear: routines like this are a very good thing. Especially when our children are young, intentionally setting aside time to model prayer like this is an excellent habit to form. Why then does it sometimes begin to feel rote? Why do our preset prayer times begin to sound like a broken record? To feel like a box waiting to be checked?
To help parents develop sustainable, well-rounded rhythms of daily prayer, I offer four brief suggestions: two truths to remember and two practices to lean into.
Remember that Prayer Is a Privilege
At the heart of it, prayer is talking to God. Which, if you stop to think about it, is pretty mind-blowing. We get to talk to the Creator and King of the universe. What a privilege! When it feels dry, it’s good to remind ourselves that prayer is a royal invitation. Through faith in Jesus, we have access to the throne room of God (Hebrews 4:16). Encourage parents to revel in the wonder of this astonishing truth with their children as we confidently approach our Lord, knowing full well he will hear us.
Even better, he wants to hear us. Because we are not just his subjects; we are his children. And that brings us to the second truth to remember.
Remember that Prayer Is Personal
When we are saved through faith in Jesus, we are brought into the kingdom of God, which the Bible describes in incredibly personal terms. We are brought in as members of the household of God (Ephesians 2:19), and, as adopted sons and heirs, God’s Spirit lets us cry out, “Abba, Father!” (Romans 8:15). Based on these descriptions, parents can help children see that prayer is first and foremost a relationship. That's why the Bible calls us to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and to pray “at all times in the Spirit” (Ephesians 6:18). These calls to prayer are reflections of an intimate relationship with God, not a task to be accomplished.
If prayer is personal privilege we have at the invitation of God himself, then it stands to reason that prayer would find varied expression in our lives—just like our communication patterns in any healthy relationship. To help us grow in this, here are two basic practices we can encourage families to lean into.
Pray at Dedicated Times and Pray on the Go
Jesus often modeled set-aside, quiet, contemplative prayer, either alone or with his closest disciples. In the Sermon on the Mount, he went so far as to say, “When you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret” (Matthew 6:6). So we’re back to the commendable habits we talked about earlier: parents who establish expected rhythms of intentional, dedicated prayer with their children. Far from being a recipe for rote, ineffectual prayers, these are the reps we put in help strengthen our relationship with God.
But the Bible is also clear that prayer isn’t meant to stay hidden away in that private room. We’ve already seen verses like 1 Thessalonians 5:17, which call us to an ongoing, ever-present attitude of prayer. So which is it?
Here’s the good part: These two practices aren’t at odds with each other. Dedicated, planned, rooted prayer fuels our ongoing attitude of prayer throughout the day. It's like base camp and fieldwork—we need both for a successful mission. Our standing, daily rhythms boost our on-the-go attitude of reflexive prayer, similar to how family discipleship is pictured in Deuteronomy 6. Talking to your children about God’s Word “when you sit in your house” spills over into continued conversations “when you walk by the way” (Deuteronomy 6:7).
One of the ways we can encourage this on-the-go attitude of prayer is by modeling breath prayers in our lives. This simple practice of combining short prayers—even those of only one word—with a calming, deep breath can be a helpful way for children (or anyone!) to experience the peace of God. It’s a small habit that can help us connect with God, anytime and anywhere.
So when we encounter families who are struggling to pray, we can help them recalibrate by reminding them of the astonishing truth that prayer is a personal privilege granted by God. Then, based on that relational foundation, we can further encourage families to carve out regular time for communion with God; time that sets the tone and fuels the ongoing reality of that communion as they go about their days, praying without ceasing.
Scott James is an author of children's books and family devotionals, including The Sower, The Littlest Watchman, Where Is Wisdom?, The Expected One, The Risen One, and Mission Accomplished. He and his wife, Jaime, have four children and live in Birmingham, AL, where he works as a pediatric physician.