On Valentine’s Day, Meg gave her husband Peter his favorite candy, tickets to an upcoming hockey game, and, later at night, she wrapped herself in a special outfit
purchased for just that occasion.
Peter got her a card.
At the grocery store.
He didn’t add anything to it, either. He just signed it, “Peter.”
The next day, Meg told Peter that she felt a little taken for granted. Apparently, Peter had misunderstood her intent, because when they celebrated their anniversary two months later, Peter didn’t get Meg anything.
Meg kept waiting throughout the day, wondering when Peter would bring out the present—but the present never came. Since she had given Peter her present—some expensive fishing lures—she knew Peter remembered the anniversary. So as they got ready for bed, Meg waited in anticipation, but Peter slipped in beside her and promptly went to sleep.
Meg fretted all the next day until Peter came home from work. “How could you not get me anything for our anniversary,” she asked, “especially after our conversation about Valentine’s Day?”
“Well, I thought about getting you something, but it didn’t work out,” he replied. “And then I knew not to get you a card because you said you didn’t like that last time.”
“It’s not that I didn’t like the card. It’s that the card alone seemed a little sparse. But even that is better than nothing…”
Several months later, Meg had a birthday. This time, Peter got her a present—a kitchen tool set. Several weeks before, Meg had asked to borrow Peter’s tape measure
and screwdriver. Peter figured that Meg should have her own small set of “kitchen tools” so that she didn’t have to borrow his.
Meg recounted all this, then explained how she'd tried to get her husband to read several “how-to” books on loving your spouse, but he’d read the first few pages, lose interest,
and never pick up the book again.
“I’ve realized, this is never going to change,” she confessed. “But I love him anyway.”
Meg's last statement, “But I love him anyway,” is one of the most profound theological statements on marriage I’ve ever heard. Most of us base love on “because,” not on
“anyway.” I love you because you’re good to me. I’ll love you because you’re kind, because you’re considerate, because you keep the romance alive.
But in Luke 6:32-36 (NIV), Jesus says we shouldn’t love because, but anyway.
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
If we love someone because they give back to us or are kind to us, we’re acting no better than anyone else would. In essence, Jesus is saying, “You don’t need the Holy Spirit to love a man who remembers every anniversary—not just the anniversary of your marriage, but the anniversary of your first date and your first kiss. Any woman could love a man like that. And if you love a husband who is kind and good to you—who lavishes you with gifts, who goes out of his way to get you time off, and who is physically affectionate even when he doesn’t want sex in return—well, you’re doing what any woman would do. There’s no special credit in that!
“But if you love a man who disappoints you, who may forget an anniversary, who can be a little self-absorbed— now you’re loving ‘anyway,’ and that’s what I call my followers to do. In doing that, you’re following the model of the Heavenly Father who loves the ungrateful and the wicked, and He promises to richly reward you.”
Please don’t misunderstand me: I wish Peter would enter counseling or at least read a book to become a more thoughtful husband. Meg’s frustration is understandable, and her expectations are legitimate. But the message behind Sacred Marriage is that God can use any kind of marriage to teach us valuable spiritual lessons, including learning how to apply some of Jesus’ most painful teachings.
Will you love only “because”? Or are you willing to love “anyway”? Will you love a man who doesn’t appreciate your sacrifice? Will you love a husband who takes you for granted?
Out of reverence for God, and trusting in His reward (instead of your husband’s verbal thanks), will you love a spouse who isn’t nearly as kind to you as you are to him?
Most marriages today are based on “because” love. But Christians are called to “anyway” love. That’s what makes us different. That’s what gives glory to God. That’s what helps us appreciate God’s love for us, because God loves us “anyway.” He loved us when we rebelled against him. He continues to love us when we continue to sin against him. He gives so much—and we take him for granted. He is eager to meet with us, and we get too busy to slow down and notice him. He is good to us, and we accuse him mercilessly when every little thing doesn’t go just the way we planned it.
But God loves us anyway. To love anyway is to love like God and to learn about God’s love for us.
That’s love, Jesus style.
Even a frustrating marriage can teach us to love like that.